She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
