i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
