By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
