May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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