I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
