I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
