I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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