Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
