all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
