I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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