Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
