I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
