Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I have aggressive nipples.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
