I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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