guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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