Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
