I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You're like the curious george of whores
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
