Sponge bath it is.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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