Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
