All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
