I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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