I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
