I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
