omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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