We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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