in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
