Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
