I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
