i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
