I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
