You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
