Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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