HIV tests are more positive than that guy
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
