tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
