are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
