Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
my being single is dangerous.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
