weddingsv make me drug and hornr
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
