3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
