But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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