how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
