TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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