So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
