Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Vodka?
Forever.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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