Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
