I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
