I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
