I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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