Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
