Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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