New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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