gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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