just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
