apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I wear drunk well.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
