Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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