Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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