if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
