Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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