Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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